Out with the Old?

I love my roommates. I love my "adopted" family. And I love my life. I am so blessed to have been born to such a wonderful and glorious dispensation. And I am so blessed to have a Heavenly Father who loves me and takes care of me everyday whether I know it or not. I know that every decision that I have made in His guidance has led me to where I am. That without the help that He has sent me I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be who I am. I know that growing up and moving on is apart of life. That things change and some of those things will never be the same again. But just because I understand this, and just because I know that it is the way it is supposed to be, just because I am a better person today than I was yesterday, doesn't make it easy. Sometimes, I think, it makes it harder. I miss old friends. I miss my family. Sometimes, I even miss my life. I know none of those things will ever be the same for me ever again, and that hurts. Occasionally, I feel like I had this whole other identity that I left behind when I moved in with my "sister." I became something else. I was given a fork in the road and told to pick a direction. Though, I know who I am is better than who I was, I still sometimes miss that know-it-all, snarky, stubborn, wise-crack who never backed down to anyone. I am different. Every once in a while I feel like I'm not even really me. I have this whole life, this whole persona, that my biological family will never understand, will never know. Part of me hurts that I will never have the opportunity to be close to them again. The other  part hurts because they don't care enough to want to be that close. I know that I am who I am for a reason. I chose the road that I chose for a reason. Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows me. He loves me. And He will always lead me right. I do trust Him. Sometimes it is just harder than others.

My "Worthwhile" Time

It's finals week! For college students this means that A) we may finally get some sleep B) we should probably study more than we actually do and C) we aren't getting out of bed until it is absolutely necessary. Which is why I have spent the last four hours lying in bed writing an extra credit paper and watching episodes of Merlin. Time well spent? Oh, yes. However, I have recently come to the realization that despite it being finals week the rest of the world is continuing on as though unaffected. How odd, I know. Therefore as a last chance to pretend I'm actually doing something on the internet instead of just lying in bed unproductively (I mean, really? Would I ever do that?) I am writing on blogger. Unfortunately, I have nothing more of substance to say to you. I am now off to explore the world I have ignored this semester. Wish me luck!

The Industry of Student Demise

It's the final countdown! Only a little more than two weeks left until the semester is over, hurrah! I could so use a vacation right now. But this also means we have just over a week until finals which in college terms means the worst torture of your existence begins now. This week I have had four papers due, a portfolio, and a test. Why do I procrastinate? I tell myself every time I do this that I won't do it again, I am now just realizing that promise is so unrealistic I may as well not make it. So, hear I sit on the computer attempting to finish my eight page paper and my Social Work portfolio, both of which are due tomorrow. But, instead of working on that I'm on blogger. This makes no sense. What am I doing? I tell you what it is, it's the industry of student demise. Facebook and Pinterest are in on it too. Sorry, Blogger but you aren't safe for my criticism either. I swear social media was created to cause college students to procrastinate despite all costs. And we are so good at it! I realize I should accept the fault myself but it is so much easier to blame all the websites I sit on that aren't my homework. Darn you facebook. >:[ Why do I love you soooo much!?!?

Turkey, Crazy Midnight Shoppers, and a Brand New Baby!

Happy Thanksgiving! Yea, so, I'm late, get over it. How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was amazing. We had BBQ Cajun turkey, which at first glance may sound not so delicious but I assure you it was very delicious, and that is saying something because I don't like turkey. Then we of course went black Friday shopping, it's only like the second greatest thing about Thanksgiving. I only like going to watch the crazy people, but my "sister" actually buys stuff. This year her big ticket item was a little kitchen set for her one year old daughter, very cute thoughtful gift. Unfortunately, we got to Walmart to find they had 8 total kitchen sets and 14 blood thirsty savages also on the prowl for them. Ick. And even better she thought it would be a great idea to leave me (the least aggressive girl on the planet) to stand there waiting for them. Even more unfortunate, they started cutting the boxes ten minutes early and she wasn't back in time for the craziness. Being the passive-aggressive sweetheart I am when I saw bodies leaping forward with the grace of football players doing ballet and the look of pure survival instinct in their eyes I backed up in fear. I wasn't going to interrupt the pack feeding on their antelope. No way, Jose. Needless to say my poor sister did not get that kitchen set. Sorry Babe, maybe next year? The week did not end on that sour note though! My other "sister" who has looked about ready to pop for the last two weeks had her baby this morning! Yay! We are all very excited and I am especially excited to go home on Friday to see my cute new "nephew." The world is a better place with pretty little babies in it. :)

Hang It Up Grandma

So, by now you should all know (and by all I mean pretty much me and the group of imaginary hummingbirds that fly around my head) that I work at a call center. It's the most wonderful job on the face of the planet not even Disney World itself could be more spectacular! That is if there are rainbow pooping yellow polka dotted lizards flying through the air singing the Gilligan's Island theme song. Oh, you mean there aren't? Well then, that explains why my job stinks. If someone were to ask me what the worst part of my job were, besides the amount of boredom I experience, I would have to say old people. Don't get me wrong I love my Grandmas, but that doesn't mean I have to love yours, and I definitely don't. The conversations I usually have with eighty year old women (or men I am not discriminating) usually goes something like this "Hello?" "Hello." "Hello?" "Heeelllllooooo." "Hello?" "Hello!" "Heeeeellllooooo....???" "Heeeeeelllllllllooooooooo....!!!!!" "Ugh" *Click* Holy frustration. I'm sorry what is the point of owning a telephone if you are deaf? I mean you can't hear what anyone is saying on the other end....I thought that's what the point of a telephone was. They don't let blind people drive, so why then why do they let old people who can't hear have telephones? Apparently killing someone on the street is more important a consideration than the annoyance that call center agents have to experience. Okay, maybe it actually is, but still this is a serious issue people! If you can't hear what's going on inside the phone it's time to hang it up Grandma. (Except in cases of emergency where the use of a telephone is acceptable (I am not responsible for any elderly related accidents associated with this post (read at your own discretion))).

The Jane Austen Plague

There are two types of people in the world. Those that watch Jane Austen movies and those that don't. To add to the amazement you are now experiencing because yes, people do watch Jane Austen, they actually enjoy it as well! I know it surprised me at first too. I just don't understand it. One- you barely understand what anyone in the movie is talking about, I really don't think anyone actually talked like that I mean come on people get real. Two- It is the epitome of boring. I swear some old British dude was sitting in a rocking chair being bugged by his wife while he read the newspaper and was finally like okay, I know what will shut her up, let's make this book into a movie. Ya know, because the book wasn't terrible enough we need two ways to enjoy the torture. Ugh. The part that bugs me the most? They've seen this movie a dozen times and yet it takes presidence over having a conversation with me. Sigh. I guess it's one of those things I have to live with. Kind of like my roommate's snoring, and the other one's slurping (she literally slurps everything, and I mean everything). Small things that make for a very annoyed Felicia, but that is okay. I think. Hopefully. I need to learn to live with the annoyances that make a person who they are, otherwise how am I ever going to learn to live with a husband. ;)

A Great Letter from a Great Boy

So, I'm sort of kind of (not willing to admit) that I'm waiting for a missionary. Whew. Now that that's out in the open, I got a letter from him today! Yay! He is doing fabulous, by the way in case you were wondering, you probably weren't but I thought I'd say so anyways. Anyways, the point of this post is to tell you about the funny thought I had while reading said letter. So, the thing about my handsome young man is that he is the cheesiest, most romantic, gag with me a spoon kinda guy. Which is very endearing and sweet and makes me feel very loved, but I just am not. And that doesn't go to show that I don't love him or appreciate him, because I definitely do. I just can not muster it up out of myself to be that. In this weeks letter as he was discussing how cheesy he was being he happened to compare himself in a very interesting way to something I would never in a million years use to describe him, a fifteen year old girl. If you are a man reading this 1. Stop, why are you reading this? You should hand in your man card just for being on Blogger. 2. NEVER compare yourself to a girl, let alone a fifteen year old one, they are the worst kind. It made me laugh, hard. Which his letters do almost every week, it's one of the things I love about him-he's funny. :) But because of the laughter Kaitlin had to ask me what was so funny, and when I told her the response was "well then what does that make you?." As I pondered this question for a whole 5 seconds (because really that is the longest I can ponder just about anything) I came across a very disturbing answer. If he is comparing himself to a fifteen year old girl, that makes me a lesbian pedophile. Oh my!! So, conclusion? Never again will he ever ever be allowed to use that comparison. Not just for his sake, but mine as well.
                       

Mawwiage!

My best friend in the whole wide world is getting married in February, and while I always thought I would be the first to get married of the two of us (seeing as I have the most adorable man on the planet coming home in less than a year now (so excited to be able to say that)) I am soooo excited for her! Just today her wonderful fiance, whom I have yet to meet, asked me for advice on how to propose. No, she is not technically engaged yet. Yes, she has picked a date. Oh, women, aren't we so fun? ;) It's alright at least her man is home and her wedding date is near by. By the time my sweetheart comes home I think I might have my entire wedding planned out, seeing as that's how I celebrated his one year anniversary of being gone haha. But, back to best friend. Of course, I am the maid of honor. She is getting married in the Manti temple. Which is pretty far away, to be honest I am not looking forward to that drive, but alas I will make it simply because of my love for her. I am very happy, but I can't help but feel a little sad that my best friend is going to be stolen from me. While she and I will still remain as close as ever I have to realize that when she is feeling down or has a problem it is him she is more likely to turn to. Which is how it should be. But it's kind of a little sad ya know? Haha I am the most selfish best friend ever, doesn't it rock? Gotta love it! So excited for you bestie!
                           

Goblins Got Nothing on the Candy Craze

Halloween has become a candy industry driven holiday where selfish children leave their homes with empty pillowcases stay out with their friends until one in the morning (waking people up) and return with a loot big enough to provide them with cavities for the rest of puberty. If you don't believe me how crazy it gets just look at Jimmy Kimmel's experiment. I'm sure you've all seen it. 

This is what happens with too much sugar, folks. You're all thinking what I'm thinking now, huh? Plus trick or treating is cold. It's the middle of October for crying out loud....why didn't they put this holiday in the middle of June. There's nothing exciting in June! And it's warm. I love this holiday less and less each year. The only thing good about it is pumpking carving. But really I could do that whenever I want. Maybe in celebration of Thanksgiving?

Um...Was that a Compliment?

"How do I look?"
"Wow. I could never look that good in a <insert item of clothing> that small."
Great. So, do I look good? Do I just look better than you would? Did you just compliment me or...what? Everyone knows those people who say something bad about themselves before they are ever willing to say something good about you. Apparently, in order to make you feel good they are going to need to feel bad. I mean I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen. But instead of suddenly feeling good for getting a compliment or even feeling appreciative of said compliment, you feel guilty (that is if you actually like this friend which we will assume you do). I always feel the need to overcompensate when my friends say things like that which takes the attention off of me, which (hello!) I love the spotlight. I try never to say things that put me down, it makes me feel bad and everyone else uncomfortable. Everyone is different never compare yourself to someone else, ever. It's like comparing an eskimo to banana cream pie. They don't have anything in common. Just be nice to yourself! There is no better way to learn to love yourself than to pretend you already do.
"Do you like my <insert physical feature> this way?"
"Well you pull it off better than so and so."
For real? Did you just say that? Okay this is going to be my biggest pet peeve tonight BECAUSE it has happened to me where I'm the "so and so". In their defense they didn't know I could hear. Wait, did I say in their defense? Because honestly you shouldn't say that no matter who is listening. It isn't a compliment! It is rude and classless and is bound to make someone feel bad. I do not understand how someone could be so untactful as to not understand that saying something like is inappropriate. Especially when you are friends with them. Ya, ok, I get the blunt end of of the stick a lot when it comes to jokes, but ya know whatever it's all in fun. But that isn't funny. It is just mean. You wanna bring a girl's self esteem down to the pits and really make her feel bad? Compare her negatively to another girl. There is nothing more detrimental to a girl's self esteem. I really hope that the moment the words came out she re-thought her statement. It's really hard to feel love towards someone who says terrible things to you. But alas, people said terrible things to Jesus and he still loved them all, so I try.
I'd just like to say if you can't muster up a sincere compliment, with kindness, that doesn't put anyone in a position of negative word then don't bother mustering up a compliment at all. Saying nothing is better than saying something that could mess up someone's whole night, week, sometimes life.

The Beginning of One More Blog

I try not to be one of those people who has a million blogs. I really do. And I like to think that I'm doing alright on it. I mean, I do have another blog, but in my defense it's a poetry blog that never even gets glanced at anymore. And I have another in addition to that one, but technically it is shared with three of my roommates/awesome friends. So, this is the only blog I have all to myself to talk about nonsense stuff that no one on the planet cares about but me. See the thing is I actually really love to write. It's a really good coping mechanism for all the crazy stuff that goes on in my life, especially the grief causing stuff, because there is a lot of that. I love my journal but sometimes I just can't fit it all in there. And let's face it I'm on the internet using my time way less productively than I actually could be. A little about me, in case you actually start with this blog post. I am the oldest of four children or the youngest of five. Whichever way you choose to look at it. You see my biological family chose to leave me in Utah and by "chose" I really mean there was no way in <insert word with bad connotation here> that I was going with them. And that is how I suddenly became the youngest of five where before I was the oldest of four. Trust me circumstances are WAY better now than they ever would have been had I chosen to live with my biological family. But you may hear stories about some people here and there and I will just leave it up to you to figure who it is I really am talking about because honestly sometimes even I get confused. I love to write. I actually have always really loved to write and I find that if I'm angry or frustrated writing is the best (non-violent) way of expressive my emotions. Right now I am going to school, majoring in Social Work. However, I haven't actually gotten into the program yet so I'm not really sure what's going to happen with that. I am totally, head-over-heals in love with a man who has left me to serve in the incredibly lucky mission of California Arcadia. I am very, very blessed to share this mission with him and couldn't be prouder of him. And as of Friday (November 2) he will have been gone one year. Yay!!! Halfway there! I am a lover of all things animal, except cats. Long story short my mom has almost near twelve now. It's hard to love that much cat. One day I WILL own a goat. I think they are adorable and would make a wonderful pet. I love my roommates, all four of them. Though, sometimes I love some more than others, and sometimes I wonder why I love any of them. But really they are amazing beautiful women who keep me strong (most of the time). I live for all things food. Really, if it can be consumed I will consume it. Except onions they are the most disgusting thing on the planet and should not be classified as a food. I mean, come on people, a food that makes you cry? Clearly evil. My biggest goal in life is to get married and pop out as many babies as my heart so desires (which is quite a few). And that's me folks. Stay tuned for the exciting life there is to come.