The End of A Lot of Things

The semester is coming to a close. Can I get a hallelujah? HALLELUJAH! The last few weeks I have been the least motivated I have ever been in my entire life. It's really bad because the last few weeks have been the busiest academically that I have ever had in my life. It's a miracle that I got anything done let alone all of it. I was so stressed I turned in one of my papers a week late and wrote this huge long apology note only to be told that it really wasn't due until NEXT week. That was embarrassing. The end of this semester is bittersweet. It means the end of school and school work. Which is wonderful. But it's also the end of living with my incredible roommates. A is going on an LDS mission and will be gone for the next year and a half. I am so so proud of her but I will definitely miss her. K is moving in with a different friend next year. I will definitely miss her. Things are going to get crazy in the next year. I know I'm ready for all the changes that are going to happen but at the same time I'm not sure I want to be ready for all the craziness yet.
On a different note I am making a mid new years resolution. I am going to get asked out before November. I am going to. I have not been on a date in over a year and I am sick of it. There are too many attractive men on the planet to not take advantage of the opportunity to go out with at least a few of them. And darn it I am a cute girl. I mean I'm not drop dead gorgeous adorable but I'm alright. Right? Sigh. I just want a date. :( And I'm sick of crying about this but sometimes I just have to cry about because it hurts to not well ya know. It just doesn't feel good. So, mid new years resolution: I am going to get asked out. I am. I can do this. I will. Yea.
Well, Happy Birthday to me. It is the end of my reign as a teenager. I will never be a teenager again. I don't feel old enough to be twenty but lo and behold I must be because that is the age that I am turning. I am not sure that I am pleased about being old but that's okay. I don't have a choice. It was a great birthday though. Despite how I am feeling right now, which isn't awesome, it was a good birthday. And now I'm going to go to bed so that I don't continue blabbering about embarrassing crum diddly lump krud.

Tis' the Season to be Pregnant, Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

So, I don't remember if I told you this or not, but my "sister" and my "sister-in-law" are both pregnant! And both due in November! And both adorable, and incredibly strong, and pretty darn sick bless their hearts. Sometimes after having visited M I wonder if I really want to have children but they must be worth it because she continues to have more. And knowing and loving my nephews and niece they seem totally worth it. I am so excited for them both and can't wait to meet my cute new nieces/nephews! My aunt is also pregnant. My friend, and roommate's cousin, just had a baby (a 30 hour labor might I add, bless her heart and bless it good!). A woman I work with is pregnant. Lately it just seems like I have seen a lot of pregnant women. Was there a holiday I wasn't aware of? National let's all have a baby together day? It just seems a little weird that's all. Way to keep the great commandment of child bearing...please continue replenishing the earth (then call me to babysit so I can enjoy the fruits of your labor, ha labor [it's punny]).

I Have Buried the Body. Now what, Master?

The following is a conversation I had via text message with a friend who did not have my number and therefore did not know who I was. You know you chose a good friend when they can tell you how to bury a body without question. It's a bit long but it's totally worth reading.

Me: I have buried the body. Now what, Master?

D: Well done servant, next plant a tree over the body so no one will know it was there.

Me: An apple tree or an orange tree?

D: Google said that apple trees are better for covering up bodies, apparently it sucks more nutrients from the ground so the body will decompose faster.

Me: We have a problem Master. I lost the body. Apparently it wasn't as dead as I thought.

D: You have failed me. Execute order 3167a!

Me: Kidnapping the chipmunk? I thought we agreed he was useless?

D: Chipmunks have a great sense of smell, and their large fangs make them ferocious warriors. If you could gently convince him to track down the not so dead body that would be great. Thanks!

Me: He ate my hand! Your rabid beast of a chipmunk ate my hand!

D: You were supposed to look it in the eye and bow and then wait for it to bow back first! Didn't you pay attention in care of magical creatures?

Me: I thought that was for hippogriffs...

D: Hippogriffs and chipmunks share a common ancestor. Duh!

Me: Well the deed is done. The chipmunk has turned against me and will not complete the task assigned him.

D: Well, I guess rabbits will do.

Me: How is a rabbit supposed to help me catch a not dead dead person?!?!

D: Don't question my genius!

Me: Master? It didn't say anything about pretending you were a genius in the job description. You're gonna have to pay me more for that one.

D: And I didn't hire you so you could wallow in self denial about my epicness! I invoke paragraph 3 of item 209a of the contract, demanding you to self terminate.

Me: According to paragraph 456.9 line 2 of page 12 I have the right to deny self termination and hit you over the head with a log. I'm sending my associates over now.

D: I don't think you can have 9/10s of a paragraph. In any case it seems like you're over reacting so I'm going to have to put you in time out for the moment.

Me: You can't do that! I have rights!

A Sad Story of One Girl's Castle and a Very Mean Dragon

Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away in a land called upstairs a girl was peacefully attempting to lie down in her "castle" and fall into a deep slumber from which she would hope to not be woken for hours. Unfortunately lurking nearby in a land called hallway was a dragon who had other plans for the sleepy girl. As the girl lay down the dragon decided she was going to lay down too. On top of the girl. In the "castle." As you might guess the girl was very displeased with the dragon and proceeded to toss, turn, kick, and scream at the dragon. But the dragon was relentless at her attempts to overthrow the girls rule over her "castle." Soon the girl resigned to a world without her "castle", known as downstairs. But downstairs was full of strange creatures called daters who had filled their land with dating and date like stuff and awkward door scenes that weren't actually at the door but were kind of, and long good byes, and odd looks at the girl. Luckily as she wept with sorrow for the loss of her kingdom, and her deep slumber, the dragon retreated and became bored with the "castle", leaving it be. The girl rejoiced and ran back to her kingdom filled with sleepy joy. And very soon the night was over. And she awoke. Still angry about the attempted overthrow, and somehow just as sleepy. The End.

This story may or may not be a realistic re-telling of my Saturday night with my roommates.
**Names, and in some cases, species have been changed to protect the identity of the characters in this story.

I Met an Attractive Man and Now My Life Sucks

Believe it or not I have never ever cuddled with a man I didn't in some way have feelings for. Until yesterday. Which I did not feel bad about. And wish I still didn't feel bad about. I met him hanging out at a friend's house, so no he wasn't a complete and total stranger, just a stranger, and an attractive one. Well, one thing led to another and his arm was around my shoulders and my head was on his shoulder and we were sitting incredibly comfy close to each other. He told me I was beautiful and at that point all of my common sense flew out the window landed on a tall tree was stolen by a sparrow who left it on an eagle's nest who then fed it to her babies. In my defense the last time a guy told me I was beautiful was FOREVER ago. At least a year, probably longer. It felt really good to feel pretty. This guy, we'll call him D, was kind of a ladies man, and I knew that but it was still nice. But here's the problem. You know when you really really like someone and every little touch, hand hold, brush of hair, smile, even just their presence gives you butterflies? Ya well I never got those butterflies. The BEST part of cuddling with someone is the feeling you have for that person. And this is why my life sucks now. The entire time I was cuddling with D, I was thinking about N. Which 1) made me feel terrible and 2)made me miss him, which made me feel terrible too. It was a long night. It didn't help that I spent the weekend with two pregnant women. I think their hormones rubbed off on me haha! My poor roommate had to listen to me cry and complain the whole way back to school. I'm grateful she's such a good friend. And now I will proceed to watch sad movies, cry lots, and pretend I'm okay. Good night.

The Chicken Poop Talk

Have you ever wondered what on earth the first person to eat an egg was thinking? Well I have. I mean they must have looked at the chicken and thought "hey, ya know, I think I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of that." Why? Why would you ever think that? It just doesn't seem like a good idea. Now, don't get me wrong I like eggs. They aren't my favorite but I like them. And I like cooking with them. Anywho, I was telling my mom about my thoughts on eggs, and this is the conversation that followed.

Mom: It's not chicken poop, Felicia. You have your chicken anatomy wrong. It's an egg.

Me: Great, so now I have to think about how I'm eating a dead chicken baby everytime I eat an egg. I'm eating a dead baby mom!

Mom: Felicia, it's not a dead baby. Every female has eggs and when the egg drops it has to be fertilized before...

Me: NOOOO! No! Just stop, please. Now not only do I not love eggs but I'm never going to be able to look at one ever again. Gross, mom, gross.

Mom: It's just life. It's a beautif...

Me: AHHHHHH!!!! No. We're done.

That is the woman I grew up with ladies and gentleman. And the woman who has now successfully destroyed eggs for me.

It's a Sensitive Issue

Today the Supreme Court discussed the gay marriage ban also known as Proposition 8. Tomorrow they will discuss the Defense of Marriage Act. The media is going nuts about whether or not marriage is a right that should be given to the LGBT community. And the Human Rights Campaign is making sure it is advertised all over social media. This issue is very sensitive to me for two reasons 1. I am a social worker. Fighting for what is right is what I do. And if I believe something is right I will fight for it. 2. I know people who are very dear to me that are gay. With that being said I felt it was very important that I express my opinion in a safe place where no one will get offended. I believe marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. And that the love we can experience with another person is a beautiful gift given to us by our creator. Families are ordained of God. There is no replacement for a mother and there is no replacement for a father. And while I may disagree with someone's opinion or the choices they make, I love everyone. And I believe that it is more important for people to know how much you love them than it is for them to know that you disagree with them. We are daughters and sons of our Heavenly Father who loves us regardless of the choices we make. It makes me sad to think there are those who doubt that love or even don't know of it. So, I choose to be more like my Heavenly Father, I choose to love.

A Little Thing Called Love

The season for winter is over and the season of spring is beginning. Thank goodness I've only waited since like November! I really just can't wait for it to be summer though. And this is the story of how summer and I fell in love. You thought this was going to be about a guy? Ha! I love summer so much. I love the warm feel of the sun on my face and I love that being outside is no longer miserable. I don't get hot, or I rarely get hot. And it's beautiful, ya know? The lakes to see, the mountains to climb, the sun to enjoy. There isn't really a single bad thing about summer. Okay, maybe the bugs. I don't like bugs. Everything else is grand and I'm really excited to get to enjoy it. Besides, this is the last summer I will have to spend single...hopefully. But I mean really it probably is. And I'm going to Sea World this summer! I've never been to California so I'm very excited. And I'm going to get to do lots of swimming and lots of wake-boarding and lots of boating. I can't believe I'm saying this, me of all people, but I've missed the water! I can't wait to get back out there. I plan to do a lot with my time this summer. And I can't wait to enjoy the world God gave us!

Snow Blizzards & Pat Downs Ooo-La-La

I made my annual trip to Colorado last week. For some reason I had this intense urge to just put Mecca instead of Colorado. My Bad! Ha! Well, it was definitely not good. Sometimes I think I cause more problems than it's worth for me to be there. My biological family lives there ( in case you were like what the livestock is she talking about ). My flight landed in Denver at around 12:30 but of course my mom and her boyfriend had to be late. Which I actually was really ticked about because I really thought they were just being more inconsiderate than usual, and telling me bluffs about how bad the snow storm was. I wish they were bluffing! Denver was in like this giant anti-snow bubble because, I swear, it was the only city that wasn't experiencing massive amounts of frozen icicle crap raining from the sky. A mile outside of Denver the weather was a monstrosity. Colorado has these super weird winds where all the snow currently on the ground tends to drift to one side causing what they call snow drifts, I call them Mountains of Un-foretold Torture. Considering the story I'm about to tell my title fits better. So, we have been driving for what seems like forever, just me, my mom, and her boyfriend. Have I mentioned I'm not a huge fan of said boyfriend, because I'm not. And when I say forever I'm not too far off, we left the airport at around 1:30 it was then 6 o'clock. Usually, it takes about an hour and a half to get to my mom's from Denver. Well it's about six when suddenly (for the third time that night) the car starts to slide off the road a little. Totally not a big deal we are in a Tahoe we can recover from a little road sliding. Well we straighten ourselves out only to come crashing into one of those Mountains of Un-foretold Torture. It was sitting in the middle of the flippin' road! For real?!?!? Not cool. Well my mom's boyfriend gets out to push the car and the car decides it's not moving. So, they call a neighbor who has a 4x4 to come pull us out. So the neighbor and my brother head out on their way. They don't get there until after midnight. I've now been in a car with the only person on the planet I could come close to hating for almost 12 hours now! Surprisingly nothing terrible has happened and I haven't gone off at his pervasive jokes or stabs at my beliefs by now. I really am more amazing than I thought. Well, the neighbor can't get the car out either and at about two they decide my mom and I should go back down to the gas station we passed about 10 miles back. Thank heavens! I think I had been holding my bladder for about four hours. It took us until three to get to the gas station where we had a lovely gourmet dinner of microwave burritos and chips.But at least they had a bathroom! Oh and I did meet a lovely boy who played the guitar, he was stuck too. By five we were still at the gas station when my mom's boyfriend finally gave up getting the car out and we got a motel room for the night, not that there was any night left. It was a miserable night but by 10 the next morning the weather had settled down and it looked as if nothing wrong had ever happened. Lies! The car was frozen and couldn't move into gear so I was stuck in that little po-dunk town in the middle of nowhere the whole weekend. Well that ended badly in lots of argument and word vomit but that's a story for a completely different day. On a more pleasant, funnier note, I will never wear a buttoned shirt to the airport again. Apparently the buttons mess up the body scan which then allows you the incredible privilege of being patted down by airport security. Most awkward moment of my life, to date. At least it was a woman?

The Any-Life-Decision-is-a-Decision-to-Die Theory

Friday I submitted my application into the social work program. I was so incredibly nervous about submitting it and I'm terrified of not getting in. BUT there is nothing more I can do now. It's making me sick with worry though. Literally. I have this theory about myself; I make myself sick. Whenever I make a major life decision I always end up violently ill later that week. First example, moving in with my "sister", M. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. She was a blessing and took care of me. Second example, moving to college. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. And now for the point of me telling you this and the third example, turning in my social work application. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. See? So not only do I get to be nervous about getting accepted or not, I COULD HAVE DIED! Okay, I admit that is a little dramatic, but it was dreadful and I wished multiple times that night that I was dead instead of going through that writhing pain. I don't know why it happens it just always does. Kaitlin made fun of me and said it's going to be great when I spend my wedding night lying next to the toilet instead of my husband. DEATH. If that happens, I swear, I will kill someone. Maybe I just need to learn to relax? Maybe, just maybe, my getting ill on these days was just random? Probably not. Why? Why do I do these things to myself? Even unconsciously I give myself a hard time. Sigh. I will never learn.