The Any-Life-Decision-is-a-Decision-to-Die Theory

Friday I submitted my application into the social work program. I was so incredibly nervous about submitting it and I'm terrified of not getting in. BUT there is nothing more I can do now. It's making me sick with worry though. Literally. I have this theory about myself; I make myself sick. Whenever I make a major life decision I always end up violently ill later that week. First example, moving in with my "sister", M. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. She was a blessing and took care of me. Second example, moving to college. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. And now for the point of me telling you this and the third example, turning in my social work application. Two days later: violently ill and throwing up. See? So not only do I get to be nervous about getting accepted or not, I COULD HAVE DIED! Okay, I admit that is a little dramatic, but it was dreadful and I wished multiple times that night that I was dead instead of going through that writhing pain. I don't know why it happens it just always does. Kaitlin made fun of me and said it's going to be great when I spend my wedding night lying next to the toilet instead of my husband. DEATH. If that happens, I swear, I will kill someone. Maybe I just need to learn to relax? Maybe, just maybe, my getting ill on these days was just random? Probably not. Why? Why do I do these things to myself? Even unconsciously I give myself a hard time. Sigh. I will never learn.