It's Just Been One of Those Days

On occasion I find myself in a mood, that for me, is terrible. It's nothing compared to a lot of people's "grumpy" moods and generally I don't act tons different around other people, but usually you can tell something is off. Today is one of those days. It's a feeling of sadness. I feel left out, even though I don't want to be around anyone, I feel like crying, for no real reason (not that I don't have many reasons to cry), I feel down, in the pits, sad, lonely, depressed, upset, angry, irritable, like killing a large snake just to prove that I can do it. All the normal stuff. These days are not good. They make me question my sanity, more than a normal day. And they make me extremely lazy, because lying in bed doing nothing is waaaaaay better than going and killing a large snake just to prove I can (at least by some people's standards). I don't know why I get this way, maybe it's because I don't get angry. I hate being angry, but I used to get angry all the time. I was thinking about it the other day and I don't think I have yelled at someone with true anger in almost four years. And while being angry makes me feel crappy, I can remember it, and almost always brought me to the point of tears, I think my emotions are a little out of wack because of it. I haven't been as happy and at peace in my life like I am today (well, not exactly TODAY) in my entire life. I can't remember a time, from my past, where I wasn't afraid of the next argument or if someone was angry at me that day and how I was going to stick up for myself, and now I feel this amazing future ahead of me where I will NEVER have to feel that way again. It's great. But sometimes I feel a little lost because I've come so far. Where did the me from that time go? I didn't take her with me. I shed her and became something completely different, is it wrong for me to miss her a little? Because with her went an entire past that I will never experience again. And as crappy as that past might be there were pieces of it that were great, and I lived for those pieces. Now they are gone. That deserves a little sadness, right? So, on days like these I wonder if that is what my heart is telling me; "Felicia, today we mourn the past. The anger, the resentment, the loss, the sadness, the moments of happiness, the people; today, we mourn all of that."