Long Known Strangers

A few years ago I did something I wasn't sure I was capable of doing. I forgave. It took me a long time to even acknowledge that I was angry at my dad. I shrugged the feelings I had towards him off and just told myself that there were other reasons I didn't want to be a part of his life. But the truth was I was mad at him and I blamed him for a lot of the things that went wrong in my life. The hardest people to forgive are the people you love the most. But hate only hurts one person and that person is you. Letting go of that hate was the hardest most rewarding thing I ever did. Well, a few weeks ago I put that forgiveness to the test and I went to see my dad for the first time in five and a half years. I knew that it was going to be a difficult experience but what I found was different than what I expected. The man that sat in front of me (or I saw, it's a computer screen, kind of like skype) was a total stranger. I no longer knew this person. I had built up all of the wonderful memories that I had of him and forgotten all of the bad ones but the person I saw wasn't any of those memories. He was a decrepit shell of what once was. The mistakes he had made and the path he chose led him to a place in life where everything he loved was completely inaccessible to him. What kind of life was it to live and never see anyone you love? I know I will never make the same mistakes as my father and I know I will never end up in the same position as him but having his example has taught me great gratitude for the knowledge that I have to make decisions that progress me towards a happier life not stall me in the present.