It's Just Been One of Those Days

On occasion I find myself in a mood, that for me, is terrible. It's nothing compared to a lot of people's "grumpy" moods and generally I don't act tons different around other people, but usually you can tell something is off. Today is one of those days. It's a feeling of sadness. I feel left out, even though I don't want to be around anyone, I feel like crying, for no real reason (not that I don't have many reasons to cry), I feel down, in the pits, sad, lonely, depressed, upset, angry, irritable, like killing a large snake just to prove that I can do it. All the normal stuff. These days are not good. They make me question my sanity, more than a normal day. And they make me extremely lazy, because lying in bed doing nothing is waaaaaay better than going and killing a large snake just to prove I can (at least by some people's standards). I don't know why I get this way, maybe it's because I don't get angry. I hate being angry, but I used to get angry all the time. I was thinking about it the other day and I don't think I have yelled at someone with true anger in almost four years. And while being angry makes me feel crappy, I can remember it, and almost always brought me to the point of tears, I think my emotions are a little out of wack because of it. I haven't been as happy and at peace in my life like I am today (well, not exactly TODAY) in my entire life. I can't remember a time, from my past, where I wasn't afraid of the next argument or if someone was angry at me that day and how I was going to stick up for myself, and now I feel this amazing future ahead of me where I will NEVER have to feel that way again. It's great. But sometimes I feel a little lost because I've come so far. Where did the me from that time go? I didn't take her with me. I shed her and became something completely different, is it wrong for me to miss her a little? Because with her went an entire past that I will never experience again. And as crappy as that past might be there were pieces of it that were great, and I lived for those pieces. Now they are gone. That deserves a little sadness, right? So, on days like these I wonder if that is what my heart is telling me; "Felicia, today we mourn the past. The anger, the resentment, the loss, the sadness, the moments of happiness, the people; today, we mourn all of that."

Failure. And One Extremely Stressful Week.

I give up. There is no way I'm going to post thirteen days of this challenge. I don't even think I had thirteen days left. Nope, it was like seven. Still not doing it. If there is something you are dying to know about me then feel free to ask til then I'm keeping with what I got.
I have had the most stressful week last week. My best friend got married (congratulations) and my other best friend/roommate's dad passed away. Talk about one giant emotional roller coaster the only thing that could have made that week busier was if I had two papers due the same week. Oh, wait, I did! I couldn't wait for the weekend and then it was gone lickety split. The good news is despite January being the longest friggin month ever! February has decided to be quite short, in fact there are only eight days left of it. This makes me extremely happy as March is just one step closer to Spring! And it should go by pretty fast since it's the month of spring break, and even though I'm not super excited about going to Colorado (despite my knowing it is the right thing to do) I am really excited for spring break. Because it's one step closer to school being out and I really need that.
I'm applying for the social work program this week. Wish me luck! I'm gonna need it. If I don't get into the program then I have to wait a year to reapply and while I'm waiting I will be completely lost. All of my generals are done so I don't know what I will do if they make me wait a year to apply again. I really really really need to get in!!! Ugh. I'm sure it will all work out in the end. Crossing my fingers. :-/
Anywho, that was my exciting month. Stay tuned for more wild adventures yet to come. :-P

Days 22 & 23

Day Twenty-Two: A Letter to Someone Who Has Recently Hurt You
Well, I would love to tell you this huge sob story about my life and the pain some people have caused in it, but I have turned a new page and forgiven all those errs. So, in an effort not to dwell on the past or to cause myself an emotional breakdown, I'm gonna leave this one blank. I hope you can all forgive me. ;)

Day Twenty-Three: Fifteen Facts About You
Hmmm...alrighty.
1. I didn't learn to swim until I was almost seventeen, and because of that I had aquaphobia almost my whole life. Aquaphobia is the fear of drowning, which I conquered last summer!
2. I have never seen Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Batman (any of them), the Bourne movies, or any James Bond movies ever. Which apparently is pretty shocking to people? I also didn't see Lord of the Rings until my freshman year of college.
3. I am a hopeless romantic despite my sarcasm towards romance, inside I'm really just like any other girl.
4. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know who I am, I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. I am a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it.
5. I think onions are the most disgusting food ever discovered. And lemons are the bounty of the earth.
6. I was born in Pennsylvania, which most people don't know about me because I didn't grow up there.
7. At age 9 I had the reading level of a college Freshman and by the time I was in Junior High I had the reading level of a Grad student. Despite this I continued to read books that everyone told me were "beneath me."
8. If I could (and not feel bad about myself) I would spend all day laying in bed. And I am a frequent napper.
9. I used to really love to read but during the school semester I can't because it distracts me too much from doing homework.
10. My major is social work and I hope to become a child welfare advocate for DCFS. My mom hates that that's my career choice, and actually once threatened to disown me. I think she's seen the light since then, though I'm sure she is still displeased with my decision.
11. I have owned practically every kind of pet, with the exception of anything that's scaly or slimy. Dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbits, birds, etc. You name it and we probably had it in my house at one point.
12. I am huge people pleaser and will do most anything for most everyone if they ask, which can be bad and good. Sometimes my room mates like to take advantage of that. ;)
13. I've had a job since I was ten years old. Which is half my life. In one way it's a little sad, but I haven't known anything different. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't working.
14. School is not my forte, most people think I'm super smart and that I'm really good at school but I'm not. I'm just average. Don't get me wrong I love school and I recognize it's importance. I'm just not as great at that stuff as people seem to think I am.
15. I love my family and I love my friends like family. Though they've brought me hard times, they've also brought me good. And I wish things were a bit different between some of my relationships but that's the way life is and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world.

Days 17, 18, 19, 20, and 21

Day Seventeen: A Photo of You & Your Family
Well, see I don't really have a photo of me with my family. Either of them haha. At least not accessible from a computer. I do have pictures they're both hanging on my wall. So you'll just have to keep guessing at what they all look like. :)

Day Eighteen: Something You Crave A Lot
I don't necessarily know that I really crave anything a lot. But, something I eat a lot of is Livesavers Peppermints. I have a really terrible addiction to them. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the death of my teeth. But, seriously, I could eat a bag of those like a rabbit could eat a bag of carrots. But only the peppermint ones the spearmint ones are gross. N always sends me the spearmint ones and I haven't had the heart to tell him they're the wrong ones, but really spearmint or wintergreen or whatever they are called are really not very good. It's peppermint all the way.

Day Nineteen: Another Picture of Yourself

I love this picture! Not because I look good by any means, but it shows me conquering my fear and enjoying it! I've never been terrified of anything more than water in my entire life and this last summer I over came that fear and learned to wake board. I have never been more proud of any other accomplishment in my life than I was of that one in that moment. Gliding across the top of the water unafraid and able to just admire the beauty was an incredible feeling. 

Day Twenty: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

Well, anyone who knows me knows I can't shut up. Not won't shut up, CAN'T shut up. If you know me well enough I never stop talking. I really don't know where I get it from because the rest of my family really isn't all that talkative or social but I really get some sort of energy from being around people and talking. And I always have something to say, hence the name of my blog. :)

Day Twenty-One: A Photo of Something That Makes You Happy

For me, nothing says home more than when I round the bend on the freeway and see this beautiful temple looking down at me from the mountain top. This is and will always be my home. It's the direction my life is going and it's where I will start my family and where my children will hopefully start their families. It's the path home to my Heavenly Father. And it is heaven on earth. I can't think of a place that symbolizes home more to me than the temple.